thewhorebaby - not as bad as it sounds

One month in. Almost fell asleep whilst upright cooking dinner. This is going to be a long few months.

I swear I just fired up the laptop wanting to write a long post about everything then the little monster started crying.

He has never cried like this before. I’ve managed to calm him down by attaching him to my chest milk machine and am now typing this one handed on my iPhone.

I promise to keep trying.

In the meantime feel free to send this new mama any questions you may have, about birth, newborns, preemie babies.

alien parasite incubation process complete. adorable small person evacuated from uterus.

thewhore:

HEY GUYS I KNOW IVE BEEN AWAY FOREVER BUT I WAS BUSY HAVING A SON

So kinda bummed. I’ve been having some bleeding/spotting for a while (which I didn’t blog about, but those of you that know me well have heard) and I now kinda have an explanation.

Basically I might have a touch of a condition called pre-eclampsia…. So back into hospital tomorrow for tests and observation. Docs are kinda being really serious which is freaking me out.

Otherwise things are ok!

almost babied out. with hints of excitement and terror.

its less than 10 weeks away. ITS LESS THAN 10 WEEKS AWAY! holymotherfuckingjesus. also now the curse word “motherfucking” which has always been on of my favourite swears is taking on a whole new meaning. it will apply to me. i will be a mother, to a human.. not just to my cats.

can you all believe when we started this journey together, way back when i peed on a stick, then seriously contemplated abortion, and finally settled into the idea of gestating a growing parasite for 9 months that I would still be as freaked out by the alien in my belly as I am now? No me either.

I thought I would be way more together and switched on about it all. I would have read books and been to classes that would have prepared me for the miracle of life and when my kid was born I would hold him up in the air like in the lion king and everything would just fall into place.

So yeah, I dont think I am as prepared as I would like to be.

I had my blood tests to check my sugar levels, iron levels and whatnot. Apparently I am perfect. Which is actually a surprise, since my body was pretty fucked up before pregnancy. It seems to have balanced out my blood pressure and my sugars and made me “normal”. How weird is that?

The kid is a bit bigger than we have expected, taller and fatter even though I have only put on 1.2kgs throughout my 7months so far. this makes the thought of a natural birth even more terrifying, i was kinda hoping he would be short like me, and wimpy like his dad (haa!) making a natural birth smooth as possible.

Im trying to think of other things to tell you…. OH i have a really long story about how awesome my midwife is, how i am going to be getting some extra support to try to bring down my dose of antidepressants before the big day, and how my ex husband is on staff at the hospital in the mental health support unit and how that is additionally stressing me a little bit.

let me know if youre actually interested in hearing any of that, because typing this all out takes time and if you guys arent really reading, well, whats the point.

Otherwise i feel ok! its been a goodish week. now, ive written all the baby talk I have in me, time to go back to trying to be a normal human that isnt thinking about infant formula and teeny bed sheets.

HI MRS PDJ

im about to write another blog post now but i just told one of my oldest and dearest friends about this whole baby blog, so i thought id ive a shout out to her.  those are her initials.  not some strange prison talk code.  because i havent been to prison. maybe.  

Tight vagina = weird sex

So I just had sex (boy is in the shower) and it was really weird.

It seems as ive gotten “more pregnant” my vagina has gotten tighter. Like we struggled getting it in, then had to use stacks of lube, and the boy commented it was kinda like doing a virgin, not a fully grown woman that had partaken in many activities which had caused her vag to stretch.

Maybe it’s the pressure from above, maybe it’s just because I don’t masturbate as much as I used to (not one purpose not masturbating btw, just happened that way) but things are different.

All at a time where for once in my life I’ve wanted a massive vagina!! I want an easy birth!

I will write a post soon about the “epi-no” a contraption being discussed in my mum-to-be ciricles that stretches your vagina up to 11cms for the big event!

That person….

Today shall go down in history as the day I spent 4 hours comparing prams and strollers.

Take note, so if anyone ever asks me “when did you become that person man?” I can refer back to this post.

i keep failing my blood test - 28 weeks

how does one fail a blood test? by not being able to fast! so i have one of those 3 hour glucose tests that i am meant to do… and i am meant to fast for 12 hours beforehand.  a few months ago this wouldnt have been a problem.  there were work days where i would easily go 9 hours without eating due to a lack of time or being too busy (which i know isnt healthy, but the point im making is i did it, easy).

but since becoming a large incubating vessel for a parasite?  i cant.

i mean, ive tried.  but the last few weeks my stomach has felt heaps smaller, meaning i eat smaller meals more regularly.  i cant just fill up and go the 12 hours, i eat a tiny amount and about 3-4 hours later im starving again. 

i wake up at 5am (now) and my stomach is in physical pain having not eaten for 8 hours.  there is no way i would make it to an appointment at 9am, on top of which i have to wait three hours during the testing, meaning I dont eat till midday?!?  i cave and eat leftovers/breakfast around 6am.  and the most annoying part? this 6am meal is like four mouthfuls before im stuffed.

when i eventually force myself to do this, its going to suck balls.

Hatin on hormones .

On the final stretch. Hormones kicking in. Feel like an elephant that has swallowed a rhino even though I haven’t put on any weight during my pregnancy at all, just not used to having a belly I guess. Even at my fattest I always had an hourglass figure. Feels weird to have a figure like a swollen goat.

Feet/ankles sore. Belly pains, heartburn and bleeds.

Had the biggest sook/cry today. Napping too much, but I’ve been on bed rest. Bored out of my mind.

Started playing a game with the little dude. If he kicks I poke him and he kicks back.

Also playing a game (against my will) called “kick my bladder just as I fall asleep”. That one is less fun.

So that’s it for now! Have a million docs appts next week will update you all then.